Personal Boundary

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A Personal Boundary is a guideline that a person creates to identify permissible ways for other people to behave towards them.

  • Context:
  • Example(s):
    • Physical Personal Boundary, such as:
      • Healthy: You're comfortable expressing when you'd prefer not to be touched, asking others for personal space, or specifying who is allowed into your personal spaces (home, car, etc.)
      • Unhealthy: Allowing others to touch you even when you're uncomfortable, not having personal space, or not respecting the personal space of others.
    • Emotional Personal Boundary, such as:
      • Healthy: You understand your own emotions and can separate them from the emotions of others. You're comfortable saying no to taking on others' emotional burdens.
      • Unhealthy: Taking responsibility for others' feelings, constantly sacrificing your emotional wellbeing for others, or relying on others for your own emotional stability.
    • Intellectual Personal Boundary, such as:
      • Healthy: You value and respect your own thoughts and ideas, and you also respect others' right to their thoughts and ideas even when they're different from yours.
      • Unhealthy: Allowing others to invalidate or belittle your beliefs, values, or ideas. Alternatively, dismissing or belittling others' ideas because they differ from yours.
    • Material Personal Boundary, such as:
      • Healthy: You're clear about what belongings you're willing to lend or share and under what circumstances, and you're comfortable saying no when someone asks to borrow something that you're not comfortable lending.
      • Unhealthy: Constantly lending or giving away your possessions even when it makes you uncomfortable, or taking other people's belongings without asking.
    • Time Personal Boundary, such as:
      • Healthy: You manage your time based on your needs and wants, and you can say no to requests or invitations that conflict with your time management.
      • Unhealthy: Allowing others to dictate how you spend your time, consistently putting others' needs before your own leading to a lack of personal time, or not respecting others' time (e.g., being consistently late).
    • ...
  • Counter-Example(s):
  • See: Defense Mechanism, Observational Learning, Life Skill, Self-Esteem, Coercion, Deprogramming, Guilt (emotion).

References

2023

  • (Wikipedia, 2023) ⇒ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_boundaries Retrieved:2023-7-14.
    • Personal boundaries or the act of setting boundaries is a life skill that has been popularized by self help authors and support groups since the mid-1980s. Personal boundaries are established by changing one's own response to interpersonal situations, rather than expecting other people to change their behaviors to comply with your boundary. For example, if the boundary is to not interact with a particular person, then one sets a boundary by deciding not to see or engage with that person, and one enforces the boundary by politely declining invitations to events that include that person and by politely leaving the room if that person arrives unexpectedly. The boundary is thus respected without requiring the assistance cooperation of any other people.[1] Setting a boundary is different from issuing an ultimatum; an ultimatum is a demand that other people change their choices so that their behavior aligns with the boundary-setter's own preferences and personal values.

      The term "boundary" is a metaphor, with in-bounds meaning acceptable and out-of-bounds meaning unacceptable.[2] The concept of boundaries has been widely adopted by the counseling profession.[3]

2016

  • (Wikipedia, 2016) ⇒ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/personal_boundaries Retrieved:2016-9-1.
    • Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards him or her and how he/she will respond when someone passes those limits. [4] They are built out of a mix of conclusions, beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning. [5] This concept or life skill has been widely referenced in self-help books and used in the counseling profession since the mid-1980s. According to some counselors, personal boundaries help to define an individual by outlining likes and dislikes, and setting the distances one allows others to approach. [6] They include physical, mental, psychological and spiritual boundaries, involving beliefs, emotions, intuitions and self-esteem. [7] Jacques Lacan considered such boundaries to be layered in a hierarchy, reflecting "all the successive envelopes of the biological and social status of the person". [8] Personal boundaries operate in two directions, affecting both the incoming and outgoing interactions between people.[9] These are sometimes referred to as the 'protection' and 'containment' functions.
  1. ↑ Cite error: Invalid <ref> tag; no text was provided for refs named :0
  2. ↑ Cite error: Invalid <ref> tag; no text was provided for refs named Johnson
  3. ↑ G. B. and J. S. Lundberg, I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better (2000) p. 13. ISBN 978-0-670-88485-8
  4. ↑ [1]
  5. ↑ Vanessa Rogers, Working with Young Men (2010) pp. 80, 161
  6. ↑ G. B. and J. S. Lundberg, I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better (2000) p. 13. ISBN 978-0-670-88485-8
  7. ↑ Timothy Porter-O'Grady, Kathy Malloch, Quantum Leadership (2003) p. 135
  8. ↑ Jacques Lacan, Ecrits (1997) pp. 16-17
  9. ↑ Katherine, Anne Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day (2000), pp. 16-25
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